RoadBlocks and Procrastination

How’s it hangin’ Chicadees?

As you all know it’s Friday, the most glorious day of the week. With the glory of the weekend comes the strain of the end of the week. I got hit pretty hard today with a good dosage of idontgiveadamn. As if my procrastination issues weren’t enough, I attempted to stumble through and be creative. After yesterday’s unbelievable session, today felt more like a failure than anything. I was SO UNBELIEVABLY productive yesterday and even completed writing an entire song. I met today with the same hopes and intentions only to have them crushed.

One of the hardest aspects of the being an independent musician, let alone an adult, is figuring out how to live your days. My grandmother once said “the most difficult decision we can face is how to handle our freedom”. I always assumed that by age 21 I would be fully prepped to take on the wonderful freedom and responsibilities of adulthood.

We grow up with constant illusions of the the great ahead. With every age I looked forward to being one year older and wiser. I believed that somehow the extra year would magically transform me into the person I always wanted to be. When I was an elementary school student I couldn’t believe how adult and together high school students seemed. When I made it to high school I didn’t look at those high schoolers the same way. I felt like a failure, an immature girl who still had no concept of what it took to be independent. I told myself to focus on my studies and let life mature me. When I graduated high school I once again assumed that college would automatically prep me to become an adult. College was wonderful and I gained an entire new skill set boasting with confidence, and strive. However, even graduated I still don’t feel like an adult.

How many accomplishments do you need to feel like it’s enough? Although I have built a life for myself in the Twin Cities and fully support myself, I still don’t feel complete. Maybe that is just a part of life I’ll have to accept will always be there.

Now as I enter into one of the last weekends of August I reflect on my summer and how it shaped me. Through all of its wild ups and downs I discovered a part of me that was hidden underneath the shame. The part that screamed “SCREW IT! IT’S MY LIFE AND I’M GOING TO DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE!!” Now that summer is nearly over, I have a new way of looking at my life. Although today did not go exactly as planned I still finished all of my projects and got some new insight to the week ahead.

Be Grateful for your Life

Gratitude List:

1) Fridays nights — and all of the crazy, wild adventures that develop

2) Turbo — my roommates kitten who always cheers me up

3) Coffee — for without you, I would be lost

Enjoy your Weekend!

Natalie